A Self(less)ish Meditation

Loneliness: a word that has been permeating my thoughts and actions for sometime now. I used to think of loneliness as an unhealthy or disadvantageous idea, but now I’m not so sure. Coming to grips with one’s own feeling of solitude in the world is difficult, especially as a male with a progressive, non-traditional gender performance; it has the potential to cause great personal strife and mental anguish. But, realistically, all we really have ourselves to answer to—in terms or morality and finding a way to negotiate or situate ourselves in the world—is ourselves. I battle with myself constantly, and it is a solitary battle; no one can fight it for me. Maybe what I am coming to realize is self-reliance. I’ve had enough experience (and subsequent disillusionment in humanity) to know that the only one who can do what I know needs to be done is me. Trust in one’s own instincts is the key, I think. Only I know what is truly best for myself. Yes, there are people close to me who help my through the shit and the mire; but ultimately, it is me who makes the decisions that affect me. I am my own keeper.